Humble Pie and Inevitable Delays

and a teaser for the new and improved Remembrance!

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Finishing up the third round of edits on Remembrance is taking longer than I anticipated hoped it would. With two children at home and James’ new business in its infancy, this isn’t surprising! But still, I find myself wracked with guilt that I promised things to you all and have not delivered.

The story I hoped to share this fall is not yet ready for publication. I’ve become somewhat “story monogamous,” in that I can only really focus on one set of characters and plot points at a time. Since publishing Remembrance is the higher priority, I am focusing all my efforts there for the time being, with plans to finish up The Ravenswing Report for the spring. If all goes well, I’ll be recruiting a couple of voice actors to do an audio version as well. I have high hopes!

In the meantime, I am tentatively sharing a launch date for Remembrance, with the strong caveat that it may get pushed back if further delays occur. But for now, keep an eye out for Remembrance on December 8! If that date doesn’t happen, I’ll likely push back to January 6.

To build some hype, I’m excited to share the below excerpt from the brand-new first chapter of the story. It’s still a rough draft, but those of you who have read the serialized story will likely recognize some of the foreshadowing I’m laying down. I hope that this chapter piques your interest for the new additions and changes that have happened. I’ll also have information soon about the McNeill Institute “gift shop” that I’m hoping to launch, where you’ll be able to find coffee mugs, stickers, and my favorite sweatshirt.

It’s been a challenge and a blast to get to this third round of edits, and I’m really excited to share the final product with you soon!

Remembrance, “Chapter 0”

How did I get here? What is this place?

Condensation gathered on Leah’s hands as she cradled an iced coffee that she only half-remembered ordering. The chatter of a dozen conversations filled her ears, mingling with the soft crooning that drifted from the overhead speakers.

I have no idea where I am.

She tried to think back, to review her morning in her mind’s eye: she’d sat down at this table without conscious choice, although there were still tables available in less-crowded areas of the café; she’d made friendly conversation with the barista, who in retrospect, didn’t look at all familiar; she’d been listening to a podcast on the drive over and hadn’t used maps to find the location; she’d left her apartment in a hurry, feeling a sense of urgency she hadn’t questioned.

Bizarre. Why did I come here?

She brushed a strand of brown hair out of her face, frustrated that she’d had it cut so short at her last appointment.

Get a summer cut, they said. You’ll feel so much lighter.

She tucked the flyaway locks back into her headband and looked around again, searching for anything she recognized, a familiar face among the crowd. A redheaded woman patted her baby through the swath of olive green fabric wrapped around them both. Next to her, another mom absentmindedly broke off bites of muffin for her toddler.

In another corner, a book club gathered around three tables that had been scooted next to each other. The group was mostly older black men, with a few younger faces, and a lively energy filled their table as they laughed and argued.

A man in a blue-gray suit and a navy tie tapped away at his keyboard, his hand on his forehead and his eyes tired.

In spite of her confusion, Leah found the coffee shop’s ambience soothing. She took a deep breath. Beneath the obvious bakery scents was a hint of fresh-cut grass, sending Leah back to the carefree summer days of her childhood. Curious, she stood up and made her way toward the door of the coffee shop. As she did so, she made eye contact with another patron, a tall young man with dark hair.

Her heart skipped a beat, and something in her stomach tingled.

He stopped moving, a gasp escaping him before he collected himself and averted his eyes. He brushed past Leah and made his way to the table she’d just vacated.

Do I know him?

She tried to be discreet as she looked back at him and was shocked to find him looking at her as well. Their eyes met for another brief moment, and Leah whipped her head around quickly. She felt the color rising in her cheeks as she reached out to grab the open door from another customer.

“Bye, Leah!” called a voice behind her. She turned again to see the barista who’d taken her order, a heavily made-up, bleached-blonde girl who couldn’t have been more than sixteen, waving at her from the cash register. Leah waved back, her eyes darting for a split second to the corner booth where tall, dark, and handsome was sitting.

He’s still looking at me!

A knot formed in her stomach as she made her way out the door onto the patio.

And, now that I think about it, why did that barista seem so friendly? What’s going on here?

She felt her ribcage tighten around her lungs. Her feet froze in place.

I’ve never been here before, but the barista is acting like we’re best friends and that man seemed surprised to see me.

Do they know me?

The warm, earthy smell of grass was no longer masked by the scent of coffee and pastries, and Leah looked out over a wide open space. The patio she was standing on butted up against a field boasting two sets of soccer goals, a walking trail, and a playground. Along one side of the green was a parking lot, mostly full with plenty of incoming traffic as the Saturday morning crowd picked up.

How did I get here? What is this place? Is all of this just a dream?

“Excuse me!” someone said next to her, and she reflexively stepped to the side to allow them to pass. The scent of cologne lingered, and the wind blew around her.

Wait, that’s not wind.

Dread filled her stomach as she looked at her arm, searching for the ants she was certain she felt crawling on her. She didn’t see anything right away, so she pulled her shirt sleeve up over her shoulder and examined the full circumference of her arm.

Still nothing, but the feeling was spreading. She swatted at her chest and stomach, dancing as she felt them crawling down her legs toward the ground.

“Ah! Get off!”

People at the tables around her looked up from their conversations, and Leah felt herself blushing.

“Sorry,” she said. “Bugs.”

But there had been no bugs.

Had there?

She forced herself to take a few steps toward the grass, hoping that her gait didn’t give away her discomfort.

She heard a familiar voice behind her calling her name. “Leah!”

“Dad?” Leah whirled around, shocked and relieved. “Dad!”

There was no one on the patio but the same coffee shop patrons, whose expressions revealed that they were no longer sympathetic.

“Dad!” Her voice sounded hopeful, but she knew he wasn’t really there. He’d been gone for years.

What I wouldn’t give for one more hug. Especially with everything that’s been going on lately.

Leah’s heart was pounding as she paced deliberately down the length of the field. As she turned the corner, she noticed the same young man from the coffee shop exiting, a half-empty cup in his hands. He looked around the field and, upon seeing her, started walking in her direction.

Is he following me?

Leah felt her feet moving faster as she tried to escape the man’s notice. An open sidewalk away from the green looked appealing, and she turned to follow it. The buildings around her looked friendly, if unfamiliar, and she found herself distracted by window shopping.

That little elephant would be perfect for Mom’s collection!

She reached for the handle and pulled the door halfway open, the reflection of the street shifting in the glass as it moved. The young man with the coffee was just a few yards behind her.

There he is again. How did I let myself get distracted so quickly?

Ignoring the chirpy voice from inside the shop, Leah let the door slam and sprinted down the street. She turned left, then right, then left again, hoping to dodge her pursuer.

When she finally slowed down, panting and looking around frantically, a new sense of dread sunk into her chest. There was not a single building on the street that looked familiar. No longer was she surrounded by cheery boutiques and antique stores. Now, pawn shops and liquor stores sprung up around her, claustrophobic and threatening to pounce. The area wasn’t busy for a weekend, but the few individuals who did walk past her eyed her with suspicion, and Leah felt herself shrinking under their gaze.

How do I get back to the park? What was that park even called?

She looked around her, trying to determine which way she’d been running when she’d turned onto the street. Her panting breath shallowed as she spun in circles, desperately searching for any familiar landmark or sign.

A blurry patch appeared in her vision, just below eye level, tracking with her as she looked up and down the street. It was soon joined by another, off to the right. The faintest twinge of a headache began to throb behind her right eye.

Not now! Just give me time to get home.

She continued to plead with her body as she picked a direction and began walking, the glares of the strangers around her threatening her, haunting her every step.

Please let this be the way. I just need to get home.

She took a left at a random intersection, no longer deluding herself that she would be able to find her way back to the park but hoping she could find any familiar landmark to navigate her way to a bus station.

Wait, but the car. How will I go get it later if I don’t even know the name of the coffee shop where I was this morning?

She swatted at her arm as the feeling of tiny insect legs on her skin returned.

A shriek erupted out of her as the sensation overwhelmed her. She felt herself crumbling to the ground.

“Get off me! Get off!”

“Ma’am, are you okay?” The voice was unfamiliar, judgmental, demanding.

“They’re all over me! Get them off me!”

“Ma’am, there’s nothing on you. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re scaring off my customers.”

Leah didn’t respond. She stumbled to her feet and brushed herself off, her hands trembling. The ground seemed to shake under her as she took a few tentative steps down the street before collapsing onto a bus stop bench. She didn’t recognize the route number posted on the sign, but it didn’t matter.

The bus driver will be able to tell me where to go to get home.

A patter of footfalls drew her attention, and she looked around to see who was running.

It was the man from the coffee shop.

How did he even find me he—

Darkness crowded the edges of her vision and her head spun.

Leah wasn’t sure how much time passed.

She blinked heavily, trying to shake the fog from her mind. Her head throbbed. Her shoulder was sore. A high-pitched beeping noise cut through her groggy thoughts and drew her attention to her surroundings.

Am I in the hospital?

Her heartrate sped up, and she tried to stand. An IV line inserted into her right arm rendered her immobile, and she tried to untangle it from the side rail of the hospital bed. Her fingers fumbled and the knots remained.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” A woman’s syrupy voice surrounded her like a warm blanket, and she looked to see a nurse standing in the door of her room.

Leah became acutely aware of her matted hair, her wide eyes, and the ratty blue hospital gown she didn’t remember putting on.

“How are you feeling, dearie? They told me you’d had a rough go of it before you got here, so I didn’t know what to expect if you did come to. Looks like you’ve got yourself in quite a mess here, don’t you?”

Her words felt cloying, sticky, patronizing. Leah said nothing in response. She merely watched as the nurse gently unwound the cord of her IV, settling it to rights and draping it over the pole next to her bed.

“Now, I’m sure you’ll want a few minutes to wake up, but you do have a very insistent visitor who would like to see you as soon as possible, and I know the doctor will want to check in on you the moment he hears you’re awake. I’m going to give you give minutes or so, and then I’ll send him in.”

Leah nodded and tried to thank the nurse, but her throat was painfully dry and the words barely scraped out.

“Oh, and I’ll get you a glass of water right away. You can’t be feeling too well after everything that happened.”

“What… What did happen to me?” Leah croaked.

“I’ll leave that to the doc to explain, dearie. I think it’ll be best coming from him.”

She handed Leah an enormous clear cup with a blue plastic lid and a straw protruding from the top. She took a sip, the cool water shocking her awake.

“Can you at least tell me where I am?”

“Don’t you know? You’re at the McNeill Institute. Everything’s going to be alright.”

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